But This Time, It Was Different
Oswaldo Montoya is an educator, activist, and MSP Facilitator with over 25 years of experience engaging men and boys in building a more gender-equitable, violence-free society. Nicaraguan-American and based in Washington, D.C., he has held global leadership roles with the MenEngage Alliance and co-founded Central America’s first Group of Men Against Gender Violence. He is the author of Swimming Against the Current and has led trainings, research, and policy development across six world regions. A former Fulbright scholar, Oswaldo holds an M.A. in Educational and Developmental Psychology from Boston College.
A Follow-Up Testimony to A Simple Practice, Profound Change
Earlier this year, Oswaldo Montoya shared how the practice of presence began reshaping his inner life and relationships. What follows is a continuation of that journey. This follow-up testimony offers a beautiful glimpse into how the practice continues to mature over time—revealing its quiet power not in extraordinary moments, but in ordinary, emotionally charged interactions. As Oswaldo remains committed to the daily and hourly rhythm of presence, we see how awareness, steadiness, and freedom naturally deepen.
Editor’s note: This testimony has been lightly edited for clarity and coherence while preserving Oswaldo’s voice.
Last week, my wife and daughter were talking in the living room about buying and installing a live Christmas tree. We usually have a fake one. I said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
My wife reacted angrily, saying something like, “You shouldn’t say that—you’re discouraging us about something we’re excited about. What’s your problem?” She even mentioned that my comment reminded her of certain things she hasn’t liked about me—and hasn’t addressed—bringing up the classic “you always do ___.”
What surprised me the most was my reaction.
In the past, I would have immediately become defensive and tried to justify myself. Internally, I would feel like I was exploding with negative emotions—even if I didn’t show it externally. My blood pressure would rise, headaches would kick in, and the rumination would begin: negative thoughts looping for hours or even days.
But this time, it was different.
I didn’t like what she was saying, but I didn’t feel triggered. I stayed calm. My response wasn’t perfect—I didn’t apologize for my comment (I’m not there yet!), and I didn’t express empathy. I did push back a bit and questioned why expressing an opinion should be “prohibited.” But even then, I didn’t feel agitated. I remained grounded. I clarified that it was just a comment and that I wasn’t trying to interfere with their plans.
We moved on to another topic, and nothing was lost.
This interaction happened in the evening. In the past, a moment like this would almost guarantee trouble falling asleep—going to bed filled with resentment and frustration. But not this time. We went to bed as usual, sharing our time together without any lingering resentment or negative energy.
I can only attribute this change to the daily and hourly Practice of Presence.
