From Anxiety to Presence: Breath, Peace, and Awakening
Breath in, breath out...
Prior to last year, I considered the practice of meditation to be focused primarily on emptying the mind. I was already aware of conscious breathing, and during sits in council I would slow my breathing down and try letting go of my thoughts. I found this to be helpful and can do it for 20-30 minutes, but it was not something I practiced regularly.
In January 2024, stress and anxiety from family situations began haunting me every morning. Fear and anxiety overwhelmed me. Having participated in Illuman's 47 - Midlife Passage cohort a few months prior, I recalled the introduction we were given to Wim Hof’s breathing method. One morning in February, I wrote in my journal, "I need to practice Wim Hof."
I sought out an instructional video, and while watching it powered through the prescribed 30 breaths. I then held my breath for one minute, followed by another 15 second in-breath and hold. I continued this with two more repetitions, holding my breath for up to 90 seconds. Miraculously, my anxiety subsided. The sound of Wim's voice and the message to pay attention to my body, to slow down my heartbeat, to breath out my anxiety, coalesced as an inner sense of quiet and empowerment. I committed to this meditation/breathing practice that very day, not as a habit I was trying to acquire, but as a life giving discipline, I would do every day. Now I am approaching 365 days of the practice.
At the same time I began my breathing exercises, I was reading the weekly Practicing Presence messages which I received through my involvement with Illuman. Early in April 2024, with a new and foundational daily breathing practice, I decided to investigate Jim Heaney’s' Practicing Presence App. I downloaded it to my phone, wanting to experience the practice first before diving into Jim's book Choosing Presence which provides more information about the Practice of Presence. The morning practice begins with a meditative narration lasting about 4 minutes and is then followed by calming music that continues for the 10, 15, or 20 minutes interval selected by the user.
Previously, I practiced guided breathing, but the app took me deeper into a spiritual awareness of my breath. Below are parts of the narration which have touched me deeply and have become a part of my life and practice:
Aim to work up to 15-20 minutes.
We put our hand over our heart, because this helps release a calming hormone called oxytocin.
Slowly say a sacred word (like Yahweh or Jesus).
Praise God.
Ask God what you would like to do inside, "Let your peace flow through me."
Release the breath slowly, with the out-breath longer than in-breath.
Get a taste of your vibrant inner life.
When we are consciously present, our worries, anxieties, and stress do not exist.
Our vibrant inner life is God's spirit within us.
Starting each day with the practice of presence becomes our foundation.
Experience the morning practice of presence for yourself.
I have found through my practice, which has been confirmed in other sources I’ve read, that putting my hand over my heart (preferably on my skin), calms me, centers me, and brings me a sense of loving presence. I dearly appreciate how this addition to my meditative practice of presence helps to meet my need for well-being.
The phrase, "Let your peace flow through me," has also added meaning to my prayer life. I've struggled throughout my life about what to ask from God in prayer, whether I must accept God’s will and what it means for me to seek only God’s will and the power to carry that out. This prayer is one I can safely and deeply pray, knowing it is God's will for peace to flow through me. It is not a prayer I need to qualify with "if it's your will." It is God’s will for me, for everyone, to experience peace.
Breathing out slowly, more slowly than the in-breath, is what delivers me to great stillness. As I've read and learned more about breathing, I've discovered that during the out-breath, the parasympathetic calming nervous system is activated. Our heart rate decreases, stress subsides. Indeed, as I monitor my heart rate on my watch, I am able to observe it decreasing up to 5-7 beats per minute on a long out-breath compared with when I complete my full inhale.
“That is, God has breathed into our nostrils the breath of life, and God’s vibrant presence is inside me. I would describe this as a spiritual awakening.”
The vibrant inner life is God's spirit within us. Of the many insights Jim Heaney offers, this one has been the deepest for me. Having grown up in a Christian home and community, I held the belief that God is out there somewhere, that I needed to seek God who is only waiting for me. God’s presence was something disconnected from me. I must be the one to find God, and this seemed nearly impossible to do!
When I can slow down and come to the presence, both through the morning extended practice of presence as well as the hourly reminders (three or more conscious breaths each hour), I can locate God in my breath. That is, God has breathed into my nostrils the breath of life, and God’s vibrant presence is inside me. I would describe this as a spiritual awakening.
I have had previous encounters with God in my life. But formerly I saw God as someone outside of me, not with me or in me. As it is said in scripture, "On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you." (John 14:20, NIV) In each present moment God is in me. Through my breath, I experience God now!
Months after beginning this practice I became aware that the low grade level of depression which has been present most of my life had diminished. I experience joy and peace more often. I am less afraid, more open to life.
When the January 2025 Southern California wildfires raged only 20 miles away, I was able stay present and aware of my emotions. I also felt inside at a deep level a sense of calm and peace. In my mind's eye I pictured a pillar of light running up and down my core being, strengthening me as I become ever more present.
Is everything in my life perfect? No, but I am progressing and that is enough. Within that pillar of light, I become ever more present and awake. I connect with life, and with inner peace.
Peace, shalom, my friends. Let us be still and know God’s presence!
Rico Mundy was not paid for his story and testimonial.
